At all times, I work with an attachment based - trauma informed lens, and use a combination of various types of therapies, because there is no such thing as "one size fits all" in the counselling world.
When we work together, you start out as a story-teller, so I can understand the history of what brought you into counselling. This is a "top-down" approach, that is typically what people think about when they speak with a therapist. The focus here is on the mind, and exploring thought patterns (ie: using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and/or Narrative Therapy).
Going beyond what's happening in your mind, we can then switch it up and use a "bottom-up" approach, where we attune to your body and nervous system -- working somatically. This gets us passed the "story" and moves toward the "state". The focus is then on tracking and describing emotional and physical sensations, to release stress and trauma that have been trapped in the body (ie: using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR); and/or Grounding exercises).
specialty areas
PERSONAL GROWTH
Life transitions can create changes in roles, responsibilities, and expectations. They happen at any stage of life, and will impact our self-identity in various ways. Personal development can look different for everyone. Some may be seeking growth and self-discovery; some may want to increase their self-esteem; or let go of the need for perfection and/or validation; or simply discuss identity issues. No matter what it is, it can be a scary experience doing such things alone, or with people who are dismissive of how you feel.
Doing it with a therapist allows for a safe space for true reflection and self-compassion. This process can make you feel vulnerable, and even powerless, but it is natural and rewarding when you learn to see your strength, courage, and resiliency.
EMOTION REGULATION
Often, we were never taught how to deal with our strong emotions effectively – just ignoring the feeling is not it. Making sure we are calm all the time is not the goal of emotion regulation. It is important that we are aware of our emotions, understand what they are trying to tell us (ie: “I’m burnt out and need a break”, “I’ve made a mistake, I’m a failure”), and express them in productive ways (for example, by talking to someone, challenging our thoughts, or self soothe).
Sometimes our feelings can communicate with our body, before our mind catches on. For example, we can feel tense as our body stiffens, feel as though we have a lump in our throat, or just lack energy. We should not try to judge or dismiss our emotions; when we try to avoid emotions with distractions, or numbing behaviours, they can explode on us, looking like angry outbursts, panic attacks, or tantrums. Working with a therapist will help you develop skills that will help manage your emotions. Developing emotion regulation will allow you to identify what you’re feeling, and communicate those feelings with others, but most importantly, you will have the skills to feel the full spectrum of your emotions, and choose how you respond effectively.
TRAUMA -- INNER CHILD/PARTS WORK
Everybody’s trauma experience looks different. Everybody’s childhood looks different.
What can be something very ordinary for one person, can be life-altering for someone else.
Sometimes it can take a while for an event to affect a person, or they can be going about their lives and something out of nowhere reminds them of an event, and it changes them. Because trauma lives in our body and mind, it effects our nervous system. This can look like: having intrusive thoughts, negative beliefs, unpleasant body sensations, upsetting feelings, trouble focusing, problems sleeping, etc. We can feel overwhelmed, if a traumatic event happened recently; or feel stuck, if a traumatic experience happened a long time ago.
Our childhood experiences have shaped our world view; this is a time when we learned how to meet our needs. If it caused us pain, in adulthood, we may avoid that pain by overcompensating in other areas. Pain has a way of making itself known, which can make it difficult to cope with ourselves and connect with others. We may develop adaptive/survival responses, which can be lifelong maladaptive behaviours.
Wherever you are in your healing journey, talking to a therapist allows for a safe space to unpack a backpack that is heavy with things that were not meant for you to carry. Talking it out with a therapist can help you understand why something is still in your backpack, and then you can decide whether it is worth holding on to, or something you need to let go of.
RELATIONAL CHALLENGES
Sometimes people are awkward; but often times it’s because they just don’t know the proper words to say to achieve what they want. Boundary setting can be a challenge, as it may have been another skill we were not taught to do effectively. For example, were you sent to your room if you misbehaved as a child, without being given a chance to share your perspective? This taught you that how you were feeling in the moment was not important, so as you got older, when something feels uncomfortable inside, you just dismiss it (you send it to a room) – instead of telling someone who may be able help stop that discomfort for you (ie: move out of your personal space).
Much of the work required in changing our relational challenges requires us to unlearn what we have been doing. As the late South African priest, Desmond Tutu, once said “there comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream, to find out why they are falling in.”
Working on relational challenges with a therapist can help you explore why it is sometimes difficult for you to communicate your needs; and will introduce you to new perspectives, and also help you change some habits and behaviours that are not working for you anymore. This can also be for managing stress and anger, as we often do not communicate with others the same when we are distressed. A therapist can help you identify your emotional triggers, and how that affects your relationships with the people in your life; and help you to develop better coping skills you can use in the moments you feel anger, frustrations, stress, etc.